i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
