I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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