just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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