Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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