WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize