shes about as inviting as chlamydia
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
