sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
