Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
