lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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