can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
