your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
