I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
