last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
