There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
