please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
