On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
