yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
