It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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