And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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