it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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