i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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