My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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