So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
