my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
