There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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