One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
