I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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