Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize