someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
