please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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