oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
