He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
