Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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