Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
