His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
