I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
