If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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