Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
