She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
