If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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