3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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