I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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