Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
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Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.