your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.