Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
