it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love