dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
