I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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