it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
