I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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