Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
