saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
