Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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