Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
