I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
