I puked a lego.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
