i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
