Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Nicole vs. Life
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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