I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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