I met the friendliest cop last night
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
