Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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