On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
