I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
