garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
