So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
