Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
