I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
