you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
