i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
