shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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