Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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