The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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