she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
