at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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