I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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