Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize