i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
