If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
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There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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