I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
