Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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