Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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