areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
