Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
